Building a Romantic Connection
Connecting with our partner has one variable that is not found in any other relationship, romance.
Romance involves the expression of sincere loving feelings and is the fuel that feeds the connection in our love life. Loving romantic gestures can be very dramatic or very small. However, if we constantly hold back what we really feel, then we may convince ourself that we don’t have a romantic side. But anyone who is capable of falling in love, and who wants to enter a relationship, has the ability to be romantic.
When we form a connection with our partner, it means there is an implied understanding of values, a common frame of reference, a series of shared experience and a sense that we are both on the same page. These connections form the bonds that foster trust and promote intimacy.
Having a connection is like cooking a meal. All the parts combine to create something new and distinct. No different then all the flavors that make meal, all the traits two people share combine to build a connection.
For example, even if we don’t like eggs, we may enjoy cake. And we would most likely favor a cake that has eggs in it, over a cake that doesn’t. Similarly, human qualities don’t exist in a vacuum. Traits that seem undesirable as an isolated personality characteristic, can promote a connection when combined with a host of other qualities.
One way we can connect with our partner is by fostering inside jokes. These are words, phrases, tones of voice or facial expressions that remind both of a funny incident. When we laugh with your partner, we create a positive bond, which is what connecting is all about. Inside jokes come from shared experiences such as:
– parties, birthdays, anniversaries
– travel experiences
– playful moments with pets
– silly actions by children
– funny movies or TV shows
– self deprecating remarks
-goofy singing or dancing
There are an endless variety of little things partners can do to connect with each other on a daily basis. A few examples include writing love notes or sending special e-mail messages, helping each other with a project and preparing a favorite breakfast. Performing small, simple acts regularly can have a dramatic impact upon being connected with our partner.
Another way to connect with our partner is with our body language. Many important pieces of communication are non-verbal; that is they are not delivered through the actual words. For example, our tone of voice, the speed of the voice, the intensity and pitch of the voice, all give our partner clues to our underlying emotion and mood.
Giving eye contact to our partner also helps to promote a connection with them. Establishing eye contact when talking or listening is a way of saying, “I am here in this place and moment with you. I’m not looking at a screen or giving priority to anything else. I’m making you my priority.”
For example, say our partner comes in while we are watching a show on TV and begins a conversation. We have a choice. We can turn off or pause the show and respond to the invitation for a conversation. We can continue watching without saying a word. Or we can leave the show on and respond with the distraction of the show still in the background. By turning off all music, televisions sets, computers and cell phones we are choosing to make a connection and emphasizing that this conversation is a prioritiy.
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