Conditional Love: Social Comparison and Inadequacy
A common reason we are angry at ourself is our predisposition to compare ourself unfavorably to others.
How do you judge superior and inferior in humans? What is the standard? Who is the average person to compare against? Yet, if you have money and status your life may be easier, but you not a superior person. The difference between having an easy or hard life versus being a superior or inferior person is often confused. The ability to do what is hard and do it anyways is courageous and success is based on you efforts, not your outcomes.
Bill Gates is not a superior person because he has lots of money and the person who is getting food stamps because they lost their job is not an inferior person. Your value can also be gauged by many things, the love and support you share with others or your talents and accomplishments. You, like all humans, are born lovable and worthwhile. You, like all humans will never be worth more or worth less. You, like all humans will never be superior or inferior. No matter how much money, status or power you have, you will never be a better person.
No matter how little appreciation, respect or comfort you have, you will never be a worse person. Your success and achievements do not make you a more loveable human. Your failures and losses do not make you a less lovable person. You are always going to be good enough. If you accept that you are unconditionally worthwhile and lovable, it is not necessary to believe or rely on other people to tell you that you are wonderful.
There is no such thing as a perfect person. To be human is to be imperfect, to be imperfect means we make mistakes and to make mistakes means we have regrets. Regret is the wish that things were other than they are. But they aren’t. This thing happened, and it’s regrettable. You can live with the regret that you are less than perfect. Your imperfections are not crimes. You are not a guilty criminal worthy of punishment. You can replace your fictitious guilt with the regret that you aren’t perfect, which only confirms your humanity.
There is no way to prevent imperfect human beings from being imperfect. You can take reasonable precautions, but beyond a certain point, your good intention to ‘prevent’ becomes counter-productive. You, like all humans, have limitations and make mistakes. Coming to accept both your assets and struggles is a key to open the door of self acceptance.
Tags: Anger Management, Archive