Controlling People Lack Self Confidence

Some people seem to exaggerate the importance of control.

Without being aware of it, they spend an excessive amount of time and energy trying to control their children, their spouses, their employees, and anything else they can get their hands on.  Other people aren’t so up-tight.  Why is it a mistake to strive for security by seeking control and making life predictable?

It is a mistake to require ourselves to predict that something bad is going to happen.  We are not fortune tellers.

It is a mistake to require ourselves to know what we cannot know.  It is a set up for a lifetime of frustration, anxiety and stress.

It is a mistake to exaggerate the importance of preventing bad things from happening, even if we could do so.

It is a mistake to define security in terms of predicting the future.  Our inability to do so only sets us up for inevitable failure and insecurity.

It is a mistake to spend our lives trying to control disasters by preventing them. While we are on “guard duty,” it is impossible for us to enjoy the gratifications that life has to offer us.  We cannot let our guard down for a moment, and so life passes us by.

How, then, can we solve the perpetual problem of the unpredictability of life?  How can we keep bad things from happening to us?  How can we control our destiny?

We can solve all of these unsolvable problems by realizing that they are pseudo problems that do not have to be solved at all:

We do not really have to make life predictable before we can live our life.

We can catch ourselves exaggerating the importance of predictability and stop it.

We can choose to focus our attention on our successful efforts to cope with the ups and downs of life, just like everyone else.

Instead of wasting our lives trying to control our destinies, we can realize that our destinies do not have to be controlled at all.  We can make a conscious choice to let go of our fears and accept our imperfections.

There is no way to prevent imperfect human beings from being imperfect. We can take reasonable precautions, but beyond a certain point, our good intention to ‘prevent’ becomes counter-productive. All humans, have limitations and make mistakes. Our lives are to be lived out to the fullest; we can choose to take them one day at a time and do the best we can with them.

People with self confidence know that their judgment isn’t perfect, but it is good enough to get the job done. It is good enough to establish priorities, make an effort to implement them, and set limits with distractions. Self confident people do not waste their time, their energy, or their lives trying to please others, prevent waste or avoid potential disaster. They take realistic precautions, using their mature, adult judgment to tell them what is required of them in a given situation.

Click to visit original source at PsychCentral

Shared by: Aaron Karmin, LCPC, Contributing Blogger

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