Why is Dating so Frustrating?

shutterstock_197364020Rejection, it’s what causes so many negative emotions from shyness, to depression, to anger and even despair. Rejection is never easy to accept. In matters of romance, rejection can do even more damage. When you are rejected by someone you deeply want, it can make you feel worthless, unwanted and insecure. It can rob an otherwise friendly and happy person of their self-confidence. And yes, the truth is that some men and women do simply enjoy rejecting others and causing those hurt feelings.

Rejection happens in everyone’s dating life. There is rejection when you are searching for a mate and trying to make the first connection. There is the possibility of rejection even after a relationship is established, since there is always the possibility of your partner leaving you. Regardless of where the rejection is coming from, it can be a heavy blow.

If you are newly dating and have only been stung by a few rejections from strangers, then be glad that the pain is short-lived and was not a heavy emotional investment. Take it as a sign that if the person was that difficult to deal with in the beginning, the potential relationship would only get worse from there. Fretting over the rejection of strangers–who have very likely judged you prematurely based only on appearances and random circumstances–is certainly missing the “big picture.” A pretty face can be found everywhere you look, so it’s very unlikely that you will ever run out of opportunities.

Recovering from a personal rejection, after you have been romantically close to a person, can be more difficult. After establishing trust, and then seeing that trust broken, a person who has been rejected will often second-guess every minute detail of the relationship. They will try to assign blame first to him or herself. Whose fault was it? Was it something small, like a physical or emotional quirk, or was it some big misunderstanding? Did the other person reject you because they were afraid or because they needed to feel superior in some way? The truth of the matter is complex, just as the emotional makeup and background of each person can be.

In handling rejection, it’s helpful to look at the big picture and adjust your perception accordingly. The old saying “count your blessings” applies here. While you may have been rejected by one person, is the situation really as hopeless as it feels in those first few moments? Are you still capable of conversing, living, and loving someone else? Is it really likely that out of over three billion people on earth, you will never meet anyone else as attractive as person who rejected you? What’s important to remember is that your happiness is at stake here, not the opinions of others. It is natural that you want to be liked and would take steps to reach out and form relationships with others. Taking the initiative to talk to others and eventually getting to know them on a romantic level is a positive step in the right direction. Handling rejection is a challenge, but one you must learn to deal with if you are ever to find happiness.

Sometimes rejection can be a good thing. It lets people reflect on who they really are and offers a new perspective on life. If you are starting to feel self-conscious, then there’s certainly nothing wrong with examining your flaws and working to improve yourself. There is also something to be said about working on your self-confidence and narrowing your search down to people who will like you for who you are. However, if rejection has hit you very hard and you do not feel capable of finding happiness, then you should seek help. Strong feelings of rejection can lead to depression and other emotional problems. Counseling can help you learn to cope with rejection and teach you how to move on in life with self-confidence and enthusiasm. More self-confidence will allow you to cope with rejection. Learn to love yourself before you spread the love around!

Rejection image available from Shutterstock.

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Shared by: Aaron Karmin, LCPC, Contributing Blogger

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