The antidote to an excessive tendency to blame ourselves is to realize that: The issue is not guilt, fault or blame; the issue is human imperfection. We are still worthwhile human beings in spite of what happened. It was not a crime and we are not guilty. A more appropriate
Sheila was suffering from exhaustion. She was overworked at home and at her job. She knew that she was taking too much upon herself, but she could not help it. She had always been this way, super-responsible and unable to trust others – feeling compelled to do it all herself.
Why do we feel rushed all the time? There is so much to do and never enough time to do it. How can we get more time to do what needs to be done and still be able to relax? The difficulty is not just the lack of time, it
Barb had been trying for years to improve her relationship with her mother, Sandra. Barb tried everything. She would go over there for a quiet dinner with Sandra and then find herself being criticized for neglecting her husband and son. Barb tried staying away. She caught hell for that too.
Many people who have to live or work with the chronically angry feel unprepared to cope with their titanic temper tantrums. When we don’t know what to do when faced with anger, we have an unfortunate tendency to make up our own interventions. This DIY approach to cope with someone’s monumental rage is usually
When people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of the problem. When we listen for what is felt as well as said, we connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Tips for being
If you are out of touch with your feelings or so stressed that you can only pay attention to a limited number of emotions, you won’t be able to understand your own needs. If you don’t understand your deep-seated needs, you will have a hard time communicating with others and
Anger is like fire: it cannot survive without fuel. Like fire, unchecked anger can grow out of control and cause enormous damage and pain. But also like fire, anger can be recognized, controlled and managed in our lives. The fuel that keeps anger burning can come from many sources –
Our brains are naturally wired to focus on the negative, which can make us feel stressed and unhappy even though there are a lot of positive things in our lives. We learn immediately from pain—you know, “once burned, twice shy.” Unfortunately, the brain is relatively poor at turning positive experiences
We all have a running inner dialogue of thoughts. Sometimes this inner self talk is pessimistic, critical or blaming. By attending to our inner self talk, we will notice critical thoughts intruding, and that’s ok. We need to look carefully at our angry thoughts and try to see if we
At some point in your life, you probably learned the golden rule, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. There is a phrase in Exodus 21:23,24 that many cite as a religious basis for the golden rule “a life for life, eye for eye, tooth for
Why is it that we fall in love with our dream-mate and then spend the next forty years yelling, fighting and screaming as if we had married our worst enemy? It makes no sense. It makes even less sense to get a divorce and marry someone just like the first
If your loved one came home with a cut on his finger, you would know where to put the Band-Aid. If he had an upset stomach, you would give him an antacid. What do you do for someone who is heartbroken, enraged, guilt ridden, furious, or frustrated? Where do you